The trip hasn’t even started yet & I’m already over it…

     As dead lines come up I feel like I’m still sooo far away…I don’t have all my gear, insurance, travel tickets and well patents anymore…

I wonder if anyone has these issues as I do…

   I keep feeling maybe its to soon for Sept?…Could I push back for January route?…I have already changed routes from July, which to be honest made me feel defeated. I am at a point where I feel like God is just messing with me right now. I know, I know God doesn’t put things in your heart only to take them away.

 If I had 5$ for every time I told someone about my trip and the response was “whoa thats awesome, I hope you get the money” or I get the awkward look cause I’m a christian missionary, I would have my founds by now…

 I can’t help feel I am not doing everything I can be doing to be getting the support. Maybe I don’t want to go. Can I be honest as to say that I may be at my end with this support raising…

 Plus the new friends I have to make on Facebook and hangout times which I don’t attend cause I’m either working or have other engagements the times I see a team mates statues saying “hey lets hang out”.

  I have seen other opportunities to come up for travel that seem so much closer to my goal then this beast of an 11month trip.

  I don’t want to seem like i’m in a “Ooohh poor sara!!! time”. Heck no…

If anything I know God is still along side me showing me His character through this whole thing.

  Showing me how He is growing me in character, hope, & faith Romans 5 .

  Also showing me the counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you create your own opportunities to sacrifice yourself, and your zeal and enthusiasm are mistaken for discernment. It is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfill your spiritual destiny, which is stated in Romans 12:1-2. It is much better to fulfill the purpose of God in your life by discerning His will than it is to perform great acts of self-sacrifice. “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice . . .” (1 Samuel 15:22). Beware of paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something that you have never been. “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know . . .” (John 7:17).

 I guess what I am saying is that the preparation for this trip is taking its toll on me…I wish I had all the money I needed that I felt safe saying I am going in September. I need a miracle, I need 15,500$ for the whole trip I need supports to see what God is doing sending me to the nations who instead of saying “I hope you get the money” actually give money.

  I know God is not messing with me, I believe He is sending me.

 

I didn’t even want the furry creature to begin with.

So it is has been 2months since I have moved. I did not how ever find a place to live with my Cat (Pimpernel), He is in Iowa. Why, did I allow myself to love this cat? This cord eating, coach scratching cat, with long hair who talks to you when he is hungry…All for what just to give him up. I didn’t even want him to begin with, my housemates and land lord did.

Now I miss him dearly. Why Iowa?  A friend of mine parents have a farm and means space to have cats. Mine loves to catch mice and hunt so he will be paying his way while living there the first week we got him he caught a mouse while i was awake in the other room I was so proud). They are only keeping him till I find a place to live that is cat friendly. I able to call the dad whenever and get up dates on how Pimpernel is doing.

How do I go from not even wanting the cat to now missing him dearly, well Pimpernel was not like any other cat I have ever meet. He is a Love bug, even if he didn’t like to snuggle but he wasn’t a fighter. Mellow, calm, talker, greater, and well he claimed me has his favorite. Pimpernel was the type of cat that would allow me to pet his hair the wrong way, tease him, cuddle him and well flat out let him wash him in water and never claw, bit, and run away. He would run and greet me at the door and let me run my hand on his belly (and we know that cats aren’t belly rubbing lovers) Pimpernel was. Plus he doesn’t like dogs which I do not like dogs as much either.

Here is Pimpernel sleeping next to me while I am reading in bed

He heard something fall when I was taking the pic here

One of the updates is there is a prissy female cat who is picking on my little love bug, so Pimpernel runs and hides in the the barn prayer room that the family has on the farm and stays there. The Dad said he has decided to put the cat box in there since pimpernel likes it so much in there. Just like me Pimpernel is hanging in the prayer room. I find it awesome.

Pimpernel managed to get a place in my heart and now I miss him dearly I want my new place to be cat friendly.

Do you have a cat or animal that you miss or are loving dearly right now….

 

Finding the pearl is all about the Treasure Hunt.

I am in need of finding a place to live with my Cat pimpernel (yes I have a cat and I have yet to talk about him, I will soon) by the end of April. So as I search for a place to live, I come to find some places just plain Scary. As well as just plain wired.  My options look slim when looking at market with high rent when I make like less then a lot of money and that I am looking for a home with a cat…below are some pics I found of some homes I found while looking for my new home…

Well this home looked really "A'pealling" but the raw fact of being sticky was just gross and the rotten thing was they want me to pay way to much....

I am all for the environment but i don't think I am ready to that green just yet

I may be single but this is still a little to small even for me...

there is this place...really cheap, I can touch it up with a little paint, then I saw a few extra things i may have to share the living space with...all 10,000 little things. I looked at pimpernel and He was like "I an't eating all those"

I like this possible new home....nice veiw, land, no one around to bother me, fresh air, I think it might be to far from the prayer room with out a car...

 

I have a God who will finish the race with me no matter what place I finish

“Frustration is the first step towards improvement. I have no incentive to improve if I’m content with what I can do and if I’m completely satisfied with my pace, distance and form as a runner. It’s only when I face frustration and use it to fuel my dedication that I feel myself moving forwards.”

John Bingham

As I come into my second year of being a Media Missionary, in which I have spent the last 4 months trying to move on to the new thing. Thinking I am done with what God has for me here in KC. I have probably made my boss a little stressed, worried, and possibly GRR at me, cause I seem to have the fun of teasing her that I will go to Australia.( Along with placing her on the big screen so the world can see her.)

All to say I have been in avoidance of my heart issues with God. My fig leaf at the moment is staying in the timed schedule, hiding behind work and television. I have come close more then once in quitting. I have also avoided writing in my journal, reading my bible and praying is a bare minimal.

YUP!!! folks I have been avoiding God…”don’t get your pitch forks just yet” Cause we all do it, enjoy the dessert over the well spring of wine.

The awakening that as been going on for a few months, has been more work then enjoying the refreshing that God has been pouring out to His bride. I hide behind the camera in my director chair wanting God to move in someones life anywhere around the world but mine. I have become a spectator, something Wes Hall (the steward of the awakening) has said not to be.

I am scared to trust God….I’ll say it again “I am scared to trust God”….. Well maybe its a cop-out to say that. If I didn’t trust God I wouldn’t have come out to KC with just a suit case full of cloths and no where to live for 4days…So what is my issue… I allow the enemy to plant lies in my head that I am not worthy or I am going back wards cause I haven’t done anything perfect to get Gods love. Lies LIES lieS…..grr….which then make me feel shame and condemnation…(play violin for poor sara sound track insert here). I have then begone to have emotional out busts and want to say bad words and just hate everything.

While all this is going on God has still been there with me, showing up in ways of people with words of encouragement and good old suck it up Love…Also when not focusing on what I have not done but what I am and still doing has shown me that even though In my imperfect yes to God to stay and continue to do what it is I am doing. I have been moving forward with Him and making it to the finish line.

God is showing me that He is equipping me to be in the race for the long-hall, to do what ever He calls me to do for how ever long, but also do be in a relationship journey with Him with endurance. I have always loved being a sprint runner when doing anything cause its done sooner then later. God has also shown me to go back to the heart of worship. which reminds me that its a great weapon against the attacks of the enemy look to God and seek His face with thanksgiving and praise…Woop! Woop!…God is with me no matter how perfectly I do things. whether I am I first in the race or last He just wants to see me through the end, being my leader and coach. God is good at  helping you out. Gods love is endless for His beloved, seeing her being prepared for His return on earth is a delight for Him. Hearing me say yes’s even when I feel I can’t do it or making the choose to sit with Him and chat rather then watch the next episode of the week.

I am tired of feeling unworthy and want more of Gods presence in my life. Running a race with out water is SUCKY!!! Filling myself up with the things of this world to try to fill the void and then run with it. Is a reminder to me that God can only fill my tank with what I need to run the race with endurance. Making the step by step, day to day, yes by yes, choice by choice to walk it out with Gods living water is better then being dehydrated and not finishing the race of life at all. I rebuke you satan and your lies and nasty water….I choose God………….

So any who, that is my thought for the day and it all started with the video below….

 

Wave of Glory

This is a statue in my home town of Cardiff, peeps tend to dress it for the holidays, I think this person was saying, “Jesus died for the surfers too”…or “Surfers need Jesus”…or “Jesus is the best surfer”, maybe even saying “He will ride a wave of glory when He returns for His bride”…even if this person didn’t believe in Jesus, he sure still made a lot of peeps think about Him on Easter….

 

I am all about saving the animals, But Human Status…

Ok So I know it’s been like forever since my last blog… I will get to that the next blog to come…

What brings me  to blog now is a News article I read this week that makes me cringe on where we are going as a society to save animals.

I have nothing agents animals and all that the PETA people do or Treehugger people do for that matter to save animals.  It’s when scientists say dolphins should be granted HUMAN STATUS. That my friend is where I draw the line. In Spain the Spanish Parliament have already granted “human right’s to the great apes”.

Here below is the link to the article…

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2010/01/scientists-say-dolphins-should-be-granted-human-status.php

Why? is it that this little article getting me all upset. I’ll tell you why cause HUMAN BABIES IN THE WOMB are not even given the same inalienable rights that we humans give ourselves.

Hello does this not ring any bells of how wrong it would be to give an animal of a different species any equal rights as humans when we don’t have LAWS that protect our own babies…um yea just plan stupid to me…

Even I who watched the movie “The Cove” (a documentary on the killing of dolphins in Japan) still think we should spend more time an effort to save the voiceless babies in the womb…

So dolphins are intelligent, warm blooded, and fun. But human babies are our own species a LIFE no matter how small.

Right now in Houston, TX Planned Parenthood is building the 2nd largest abortion facility in the world. It will be located right in the center of 4 minority neighborhoods – one Black American and the other 3 Hispanic. Now is the time for the minority voice to lead the nation in justice once again.

Also I have here below a a trailer for a movie called “Blood Money”

I am just putting in my two cents, but I will stand for human life and the rights of those unborn and voiceless HUMANS…..

 

The Journey to a Pure Heart…

I have not been blogging for awhile because I have been 1. Busy 2. Didn’t feel I had much to share at the moment 3. I went through an awesome inner healing class…

I have been asking God to bring restoration of the heart. So God in His perfect way started the journey last year with starting me on the Beatitudes in Matthew 5. I want to walk in the Sermon of the Mount, not just have it be theory or something only people like Heidi Baker and Mother Theresa can do. The journey in which the Lord was taking me through, was one that I had to learn that it is not a quick fix it done after I throw my heart in the microwave process. “It’s about the journey” was the theme and the now instilled saying in my walk with God. This doesn’t mean I was never healed, heck yeah I was. Lies of the enemy I believed about God such as Who he is- What He sees in me-His thoughts of me and He doesn’t care. Removing these roots of bitterness, anger and negative thinking is a freeing and first step to inner healing.

By me removing the roots in my life that were door ways for the enemy to come in to my life. As I closed those doors and allowed healing to wounds in my life, God was begging to purify my heart.

I am not one to be all about going through some group function and share all my laundry to people I don’t know. But I did after many confirmations that God wanted me the group. The class if you want to call it that is called “Pure Heart Restoration of the Heart Through the Beatitudes” Tom and Donna Cole wrote the book under the same name the class.

Even before the class I read the book by Heidi Baker ” Compelled by Love” each chapter was a Beatitude. So that was another sign for me.

As the Lord revealed to me areas in my life I needed healing in areas we don’t think sometimes…Mother Wounds- Father Wounds.

I also learned I needed to forgive myself as well as true femininity and masculinity. Confession was fun!!!lol…

God was also pointed out that I kept wanting to give Him sacrifices and He said to me “I want your heart”

My leader of the group asked what we wanted out of the program…I said “I want to see what God sees in me”

That my friends, was really hard for me. I for so long have only seen the worlds view of me…A performer a loud and sarcastic person. Amongst other things. I really hated myself in turn means I hated God cause I am made in His image. Talents and gifts God has given to me have been perverted and or taken for granted. I now see myself under Gods eyes, how He created me to be and the gifts he has given me are now being used for the building of the kingdom.

I still find myself wanting to rush the process, wanting to finish and move on…But then I remember its a all about the Journey

 

Gods thoughts over you His beloved…

You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother’s womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32

 

Leading is harder then it looks….but it can be a blessing…

It has been three weeks, one new team member and one member out has been the look of things since last I wrote. One of my team mates was promoted as well to be a leader for another team, WOOP WOOP..I am really excited for him. My new team mate is a girl so I am happy to be in a team of two girls two guys. We are however short a member, but its OK we will finish the track strong.

I mentioned last time I was thinking  should I read Oswald in the morning before our shift. I have been and well it’s been awesome to wake up and get right into talking about God. It has help us discuss things that are helping us grow and even just getting our minds, hearts and spirit man awake. Ready for the morning shift along with the day. God has shown up and been speaking to us through Oswald. Some of my team mates are being convicted even just made aware of things unknown to them.

I’ll be honest that my group my not grow a lot in the tech side of things. But as one has said “we are spiritual growing team.” Which made me feel really good. Cause in one way that was more important to me. The technical aspects of things will come with time. Right now I am planting seeds and building them in the walk with God. I can only do what I know and that is to apparently help people grow with God. Teach the camera things and even directing stuff right now. Not so much.

I myself am still in training and then the fact that I’m a 28 year old with a bunch of 18-20 year olds who only had computers growing up. Who are in fact way more advanced compared to me. HaHA I am asking them to help me.

What I do see though is a need for more spiritual mentors. Funny cause I asked God for one and it looks like He make me into one first. Only Him in His humor would do that.

My worries of leading them astray is becoming  a distant  memory along with stress I will just fail at this.

O well we shall what the lord almighty does next…

 

Gracious Uncertainty…

. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . —1 John 3:2
Walking in certainty can be a places where you could become hard on yourself along with being self-righteous.

Oswald Chambers- Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring.

I find myself wanting to know every little detail of the day calculating my steps with a precise accuracy I can not attain. Not wanting to put down roots because I think “Well, what if I’m in that circumstance.” Who am I? To presume to see myself in any circumstance in which I have never been in.

This is what I have seen God reveal in me, that I have been assuming I can calculate my walk with Him as  with the leadership position He has given to me. Yet the grace of His majesty calmly weighs in as light of the morning dew over the horizon kisses the spring flowers good morning. God is so gentle in bringing us back to the root of faith Jesus said “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3 ). The spiritual life is of a child.

Oswald Chambers-We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled.

If we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1 ), not, “Believe certain things about Me”.

Whether it’s in my leadership role or taking over the set from the last team cause Holy Spirit wants to make the set a little longer. Being certain in Gods plan in our life allows us to experiences the place we are at in are life. Leaving everything in Gods hands will be a gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in, but can be assured that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.